NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
