i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
