Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
