I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she looked like the before picture.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
