Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
