sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
