i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ok first of all what the fuck
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