i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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