I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
