david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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