I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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