Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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