Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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