I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I believe in your delicious
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
