flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
