I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
