Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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