I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
