hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
