She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
