Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
