Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
