I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck appropriateness.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
