Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
