Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
