I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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