I want to stick my p in your. b.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
