I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
