from now on my penis is your penis
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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