Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
