i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
