omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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