So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
