I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
