I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
