Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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