It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
