great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
