i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
