no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Randomize
