I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
