I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
