My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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