They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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