hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
