she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
