Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
