is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
