I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
