You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can i not drive my cunt home
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
