Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
