With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
